Nov
4th
Thu
4th
Tim Siedell (@badbanana) on Twitter :: Call Someone Up and Try to Read These Tweets Out Loud Without Laughing, Seriously…
Thanks @PasteMagazine. Phileena and I are sitting in a little hooka bar somewhere in Cyprus (which, apparently, is harder than I would have guessed for Americans to locate on a map) and I just tried to read all of these to her out loud without laughing…
Not possible.
Some of the classic tweets from @badbanana (Tim Siedell):
- Shipwrecked on an island with one album? I’d want Coldplay. I might need that final bit of encouragement to kill myself.
- Obama says he doesn’t tweet because his thumbs are too clumsy. Which is a polite way of saying he has a real job.
- I hope Lady Gag donates her old costumes to homeless shelters. Because that would be hilarious.
- We hate what we do not understand. I’m not really sure what that phrase means, but it’s a stupid whore.
- Saturday night just logged me out due to inactivity.
- Marching bands are actually homeless orchestras. Tragic, really.
- I hopped out of bed this morning like Fred Astaire. Or anyone else, really, who has been dead for 20 years.
- If Death hands you lemons, just eat them. Peels and all. It really doesn’t matter at that point.
- I wouldn’t say I’m antisocial as much as I’d say it’s hard to meet interesting people in my neighbor’s closet.
- All we hear about is pain on Wall Street and Main Street. How about Sesame Street? People are living in trash cans there.
- The “I Voted” sticker. A real-life Foursquare badge for old people.
- The surprise ingredient in my All-Natural-Blueberry Muffins? Staples.
- Dracula looks pretty good for a guy who can’t use a mirror.
- Rude lady in front of me at the checkout line refused to spoon.
- Accidentally threw out my back. Was hoping to recycle.
- Day two of my raw food diet. Just ate a cold can of Beefaroni.
- I’ll be going to my friend’s Halloween party as a trapped Chilean miner unable to go to a friend’s Halloween party.
- I’m careful who I let into my heart because I know what it’s like to be hurt by a fake cardiologist.
- Business meeting advice. When punching fat guys, aim for the top chin.
- Video game sales are down 8 percent this year. On the bright side, deodorant sales are up 8 percent.
- To be honest, that presentation was awkward looooong before we accidentally set the client’ hair on fire.
- The medical profession and I agree to disagree on how to classify the French dip sandwich. I say superfood.
- Full of peace and calm this morning. Googled my symptoms and found out I died in my sleep.
