31st
Sinner’s Corner :: “I have more toys than your kids…” :: Geez Magazine
Sinner: Chris Heuertz, Omaha, Nebraska (director of Word Made Flesh, a non-profit that serves among the most vulnerable of the world’s poor)
Secret Indulgence: I have more toys than your kids do. It’s true. And it’s sad. I especially love action figures. A small army of plastic aliens, animals and robots surround me at my desk. Among my most-loved toys are an original 1981 Masters of the Universe Skeletor, a vintage 1977 Star Wars Jawa and a Barack Obama “action figure we can believe in.” Also, I recently wrangled up the whole KidRobot Frank Kozin Country Time Breakfast Monger set (breakfast foods smoking cigarettes).
Moral Gymnastics: I justify my collection in three ways. First, I’m validating childhood. I had a happy childhood, and these toys are a reminder of how wonderful it was. Second, I use them. I play with my toys. For the past eight years, I’ve even set up a full nativity scene using only Star Wars action figures (Yoda is always baby Jesus). Third, I’m celebrating beauty. A lot of time goes into developing the perfect action figure. It’s an under-appreciated art form. I could tell you a lot about articulation points.
Penance: Though my heart is weirdly warmed by the thought of breakfast foods smoking cigarettes, you were right to come to Sinner’s Corner, Chris. The Hebrew root for repentance means “to turn.” So each alien, animal and robot, whose tiny plastic eyes would otherwise be watching you work at your desk, must be turned 180 degrees for no less than 14 days. During those days, as you gaze upon each mutant backside, remember this pivotal moment in your journey and listen for Yoda’s … I mean Jesus’ gentle leading. Keep us posted.
Go and sin no more,
Margot Starbuck, Confessions Editor
