1st
Street Justice: Wall St. Style
I’m embarrassed to tell you about one of the worst things I ever saw on TV.
Before you read any further, promise you won’t hold this against me. Seriously. If there’s any chance you think you might hold it against me, then stop reading now.
Okay. So, it was that show COPS.
I make it a habit not to watch COPS, but I think I actually saw this episode when we used to only get like four stations. It was a Saturday. I was bored.
Of course, I should be embarrassed to tell you about this. First, I was watching Fox, the conservative “news” channel that draws people in with classic family programming like Temptation Island, and other programs celebrating the seven deadly sins. Second, it’s obviously a program about police officers… enough said.
Anyway, it was the episode where the law enforcement officers leave a brand new shiny bike leaning against a stop sign or a wall in a very poor, inner-city neighborhood. The bike sting is set up in the middle of the night. The streets are deserted. The cops, around a dozen officers and undercover agents, spread themselves out throughout the neighborhood to wait and nab bike thieves.
What eventually happens (and is re-played over and over) is a young African American guy walking through the intersection spots the bike. He looks around to see if the bike appears to belong to someone. Determining the bike to be abandoned, the guy rides off on the “stolen” bike.
Of course, the cops (a bunch of white guys exhibiting roid-rage tendencies) jump from their hiding places and tackle the unsuspecting thief. Chin to the pavement. Lots of yelling. Unnecessary use of force. Even sometimes a gun is drawn. All the suspects are, of course, cuffed. Then—get ready for this—they are charged with “grand theft” since the bike used as bait is a $3,000+ Mercedes-Benz model.
Wow. That’s a dirty trick.
I’m still mad about that episode.
And, I’m still waiting for COPS to pony-up and do a follow-up to that episode. I’ve already outlined how they can set it up. All they need to do is score a camera crew and some courage to be consistent in how they profile and bait “criminals.”
Here’s how Part 2 of that episode should run:
1) Hide police officers and a cameraman (sorry for the sexist language, but let’s face it, in this scenario we’re gonna need some big strong men who aren’t afraid of the real bad guys in today’s society).
2) Lean a clean, crisp $100 bill against a mail box or the wall of a bank on Wall Street.
3) Wait for a real thug, let’s say an investment banker or a financial adviser, to walk past that money.
4) When the criminal bends over in his silk suit (note to the production team: wide angle on the camera lens, these guys usually have HUGE butts) and picks up the cash, have the cops jump out of their hiding places and tackle that dirty little thief. Police brutality and all. Guns in the back of the head. Lots of yelling. Of course, they’ll need handcuffs—and I’m not talking about the sexy pink, furry kind these Wall Street types usually use.
5) Be sure to put it on TV as a reminder not to take (I mean, steal) things you find on the street. And, of course, to publicly humiliate the perpetrators of this deplorable crime.
I had also thought of doing Part 3 to that episode, maybe leaving a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card lying around a lounge at a police station. Only problem is that there’s no way you’d be able to set out the bait AND set up the camera crew before the gift card would get stolen or a gun fight would break out…
